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amy

Beyond the blank, or endlessly annoyingly blindly adoring, or snickering masses remember the real artists that were also there. Not in the way that you did, not in some Herculean need to prove yourself endlessly and always to validate your existence to prove you are worthy to live. Not in some Achilles need to deflect their site from your broken fragile heel. In the way that we all should as a community of artists. In a way that we can look into each otherís eyes and know where the other has been. And why we go back, money or no despite the mistakes and the humiliations and the times we were abandoned or sabotaged or victims of cruel circumstance; and we take the stonings and we go back to the work bench and we ask for more continually. To be an artist is to reach out our hands and to touch God, Allah, Buddha, our essence, the earth that place everyone is always seeking. To be an artist is to live and breathe finally for the first time.

And we as artists know this. And we all know the demons that play into it. And every one of us has at some point been stripped naked and left to watch our creations temporarily or permanently left to die on the floor horrifyingly before so many smug scrutinizing eyes. And we recede into ourselves because we know that we were always naked on that stage in that moment but we didnít care because it was a need and others had need for it and because it made us want to continue to wake up every morning.

Donít be afraid. A muse is not a benevolent lover. A muse is an animal that will turn on us, will cut us will frighten at the very moment we have begun to believe we might have become strong. But there is method in her madness and there is purging in being bled. So when you can finally sigh and shake your head and say oh well again for the hundredth and not the last time in your life you will gather yourself and your muse will be tamed and the words and the music will flow because for better or for worse.

It chooses you. And you are not as alone as you think.

6:37 p.m. - 2004-12-10
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