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It seems interesting to me that someone would be speaking about opening up to a new paradigm who is in the business of closing them. Closing them more tightly than they’ve ever been closed before. Filling the fear centers with promises of hell fire and disconnect from loved ones and eternal damnation. Filling the centers of higher learning with confusion and schizophrenic splits between beliefs and truer forms of self between another’s truth and your own. If you read between the lines it was never about picking and choosing what’s right for you. It was never about personal revelation. It was about making you think you have choice and gently leading you with silk threads to complete assimilation.

It makes me angry. Angry…angry. It made me furious even in the days I thought I believed it. God never sought to mold pine trees into maples. They were the way they are so they could survive. They were true to themselves so they could evolve.

I am tired of being quiet about this. I am tired of being polite. I am tired of the tiptoeing around the issues of my "fallen state". I am tired of all the standing in a beautiful place and thinking of all the ways you could change it to make you more comfortable with yourself. I cannot walk this life path in a shroud of by-laws. I cannot encrust who I am in a pillar of salt. I am not the prodigal son.

I had to eat the apple before I became entirely lost in the plastic garden. I had to escape into the wilderness so I could finally find me.

And the minute I realized that, was the minute I woke up.

And my paradigm has never been so free.

6:54 p.m. - 2005-01-14
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