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amen omen

there is metal in my mouth today. and gravel in my flaking hands. i am maddeningly free and catastrophically peaceful swerving my bone tired tin can first car through darkened canyon roads. strangers sing their identical moments of excruciating confusion back to me. peer in at the orange peaceful surrender of night lit homes wonder if they are happy or bored or simply complacent in their comfort. fireplace smoke brings me back to behind the grey log cabin with the mud and the dried berries and the omnipresent wind of fish oil and the leaf carcass in my hair. i can taste in my teeth the way alone was my ultimate reward. wandering over gravel and grass and touching gently the tree bark that would lead me down many stock still silent paths plunge my fingers into the mud and feel the life and death of her. how iris can live peacefully solitary in slate grey silence. the way alaska can be deafening. embrace me in her gentle drug of self importance blissfully wiped clean. I will make me a dress of stones, I will float away in the ocean of my own mind, I will stare into the mirror for hours unafraid. I will challenge her to stop me. I will let you go. I will let you drift in your river I will float from your arms into my own. I will create my own possibilities. I will forgive myself for the OTHER and our dance of twin soul karmic debt will gently fade. I am a specter in the wind. I am on the journey she whispered to me months ago. I am taking the hand of death and riding gently into the mud blue of my favorite sunset. I am off to the purgatory of nights of pthalo green oil paint seeping gently through my left hip. Hair dance in my eyes and the way a two hundred year old abandoned hospital watches me menacing at midnight. Sometimes gives me pointers and sometimes sends me flies hurling their suicide thoughts into linseed ghosts. I will plant the tree of a thousand hearts and I will return to find the concrete highway of self doubt unraveled.

1:51 p.m. - 2005-07-29
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