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Sophia

She is lovely raven hair, thick bangs, and light blue trench coat clicking toward me in heels in the coffee shop - a needed momentary getaway for me from the turtle. Tears in her eyes still, her mother not five minutes earlier threatening suicide on the telephone. Not unheard of in her world but always shattering. I do my awkward best to soothe without offering advice because really - what advice could be given.

She says to me that before the child I was a wild coyote. Wide blue eyes taking in the world and all the inherent danger warning everyone to stay back.

And that now, in a soft lit room with the roasted beans and sugar cookie - with her whose trust has been so hard earned - she says that I am half lidded guru. The center of my world, rooted, easy and powerful.

Though I still feel frenzied, confused and tired as hell, it was a relief to hear that I have at least made some progress.

I hope that when I am forty seven and my daughter becoming a woman - this half lidded assuredness I reflect now will have worked itself firmly inside and that I can have the kind of feminine that is pictured above so that I can have these conversations with someone as lost as I often have felt in my twenties.

So that I can show her what her many Fathers cannot which is what Sophia really means.

5:34 p.m. - 2007-10-26
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