----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- flee days like these come perpetually without warning. days where I am doing everything within my power to prevent myself from grabbing coat and suitcase and heading for the hills. today i do not love him. have convinced myself i never have felt such an emotion. a weekend escape to the mountains with the girl to hand her off to my mother and let her make me soup for a few nights. zombie at the tv making molehills of paper marigolds. and no angst for the moment. but a return to the home-front brings a mysteriously suddenly distraught child, cigarette ash on the floor, that stale smell, dirty dishes, remnants of porn on the computer - i'm better looking than she is - even without the silicone. today i do not love anything. lock the dog in the bedroom, put on my big sweater, skip dinner because fasting is my favorite form of suffering - force the girl to sleep - stare into oblivion. ignore him. i am bare bones dust and wind whistle through my eye sockets. waiting to re-flesh. restraining the urge to flee. 9:04 p.m. - 2007-10-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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