Comments:

x-centricity - 2007-10-05 11:37:02
The wife of my ex-lover reads me still. It has always frighted me. I turned my back and tried to run away from him and yet I have this wounded soul that continues to read. It's been three years now, the threats finally ended and now there's just silence and her ip address. She told me once that she's waiting for my life to fall apart. But I really don't know why she still reads. Reading this entry made me realize a few things and I'm a little more at peace about it. Thank you.
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cecilia - 2007-10-05 12:28:17
WOW. That's unhealthy. You ought to ban her IP address. Yeah, just for clarification, I am not stalking this woman. She has no idea I was there and it was a momentary curiosity that lasted through one morning. It's easy to mistake a lover's history as a personal threat. This woman was someone who came just before me - she was sending letters to our house long after they had broken up, she was shattered when he left. I felt somehow responsible for the way her life fell apart - felt compassion and worry that I'd unwittingly broken up their relationship simply by appearing on the scene - wondered sometimes if there were something I could do but knew it was not my place and not entirely my fault the relationship had ended. There is always that fear in a relationship that you do not stack up - that you can never fill the shoes of someone before you - that place in someone's heart that will always belong to the previous one. And it's true. And it's okay. I consider this opportunity as some needed closure in this area of my life.
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hidden star - 2007-10-05 15:15:01
i am pithy. danger is what makes life worth living. at the same time, we are not wise to take risks. when i thought a certain x might be reading somethings, i curtailed how much fuel i produced for her to attack me. this has more to do with her control over our son than what she might do to me. her abuse i can take, but when she tries to sour my relationship with our boy, well, parents know what that means.
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cecilia - 2007-10-05 16:01:34
Ahhh, human fear and insecurity and what it does to the world. I wish we could get past it.
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