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castles are burning in my heart

Last night, I'm sitting at my computer in the corner at work. It's nearing midnight but still light outside like I've been sent back to summer in Alaska somehow and without my knowledge. I hear through my headphones that Tori Amos' record company is dropping her. No one loves her anymore. And I feel so sad, I want to write her a letter.

I turn to tell Caroline but find Amy Lee sitting next to me in all her hair extension glory, wearing sweats and no make-up.

"So, what kind of a house are you going to buy, have you decided?"

I ask, as if it's perfectly normal that she should have joined me in the gutted old military trailer I call an office.

"I think I'll buy one of those turn of the century Victorian mansions" she says matter of factly, turning playfully in her office chair, "and probably just a regular house for my family, so they can have a little better life. "

"That would be nice, " I say as I gather my things to go, and walk out the door. I speed off in my car, still bewildered at the daylight at one in the morning and I spend so much time wondering why the sun still shines, I turn the wrong way, and head straight for the Great Salt Lake.

I get so lost, I decide it would be better to walk until I get my bearings.

I find myself in some strange dusky conglomerate of The Salt Lake's prehistoric slate gray vistas and soft blue Alaska rock-lined spits jutting into the ghostly glass-water.

I become concerned that it will get dark and I can't find my way home.

I come to the end of this strange gray little stretch of land having passed empty stone buildings and tufts of yellow grass.

I turn to my left and find SaltAir as it had been gleaming in the distance.

It stands alone and quiet, empty and a little broken and I remember having seen if first as an eight year old girl wanting to go inside but it was closed up then. It had been destroyed so many times before by the elements.

"So there it is"

I think.

And then I open my eyes.

1:14 p.m. - 2004-06-01
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