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spider to the fly

"So said the spider
To the little fly one day
Won't you come around
Let's pass the time away.

Come into my parlor
Said the spider to the fly
Come into my parlor
Said the spider to the fly
You won't have to do no hollering
I will love you until you die "

white knuckling it massive attack of anxiety all the tears flooding back from the five minutes of horror her handwriting my indiscretion those days and hours of torture in the bathtub all the while he was fucking her in the forest and i loved him clueless bleeding.

stuck in his lovely house with birds chirping constant pressure behind my belly button there is a little tortoise nestling himself into my half closed heart i want to gnaw my foot off and run away again but this time my little bundle of fear will follow me the two thousand miles. six months and you'd think these feelings would abate the way he insists on the lie even as i catch him in it then insists it is in the past and i do not believe it.

and i so carefully extricate myself from the ways that all of them betray me only to find me spinning circles in the same god damned room of deception i need a red cloak and a change of wind and a new country.

i want my selkie skin back.

these things i cannot reverse though i am afraid they will disappear with the merest doubt and today i never want to see him again.

i am humming naked in an ice cold pool distended ivory belly - blessedly alone with womanhood only. never to be captured by testosterone illusions of safety. i stash dollar bills in the shoe box beneath my bed planning my escape.

some day unafraid

10:10 a.m. - 2005-11-16
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