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to divide me from me

yesterday i found myself there. where i do not belong. i don't know who held the wheel that led me down the road or what ocular nerve decided to take control of my views and search fleeting for his truck - wondering slightly - but sure it would not be. and it wasn't of course. and the fool seeped back in chuckling at myself and how i'd hurt and how i should forget and how i am also

stark raving mad.

but i always did enjoy an unusual journy i suppose and this will go down in the leatherbound book of my travels -

the way the universe chooses to play tricks on us and snicker as we walk past feigning nonchalance just as she arrives at the door - a magenta feathered phantom looking over her shoulder at one she could not recognize but somehow could feel the tendrels of soul and of karma and of some past unifying touching one another invisible in the trap of a moment.

or perhaps i was staring.

later and just behind penning notes in my journal about the whys and the wheres and swearing to hide it forever and never to come again, the wind brought me faint whispers of who they might have been but of course i could not know or understand.

nor could i find in this physicality the ethereal of what the stranger means to me and what brings the hummingbird here between us again when other magpies flutter at our broken heart rib cage current lives.

it seems more than mere projection when i find later that she'd haunted him as well this week -

and he'd asked for her to be taken away -

and she'd appeared anyhow -

like the injuries we'd supplicated God to take from the insides of our little one -

and i find myself drawing lines in the sand of my inner thigh again - blessed release of the crying out loud i am too tired for.

a line to divide me from God, a line to divide me from him, and from her,

and one to divide me from me.

- though the herd brings us safety - the lion always walks alone -

and this journey is the loneliest we have ever known -

4:24 p.m. - 2006-08-03
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