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Strangely at Peace

When will I be loved? I asked the universe that very question this morning. And, stirring a piping hot coffee with her finger, she leaned forward, widened her eyes and hissed,

"As soon as you love yourself."

Think of yourself first darling, in everything, find the way to meet your own needs, because even the lifelong presence of another body in your life will never fix that hole in your heart that all the good things you're missing seep through.

Embrace the INNATE aloneness of your existence, love it simply for what it is, then you will love yourself simply for what you are, then you can love someone else fully for who they are - THEN you will be loved by them.

~~

My red scarf always gives me that special push that I need into the wilderness. Except there are highs today of one hundred and three so it sits discarded in the back corner heap of my dust ridden closet.

With a bare neck, and some rumpled jeans, I draw up what reserves of courage I have this morning to approach that door.

You know the one -

Everyone else stands behind it. At least the everyone else you cry out for when you feel discontent with the nature of your life.

This would be the day I would open that door and find them smiling back at me - approving and loving my very nature, ignoring my scars and the ways I fly into a rage - porcupine, unlovable.

After all, it is THEIR fault I am like this.

If you want to know the rest of the story, I did open that door, finally, in my rumpled jeans - and there was, surprisingly, only one person there.

She looked a lot like me, several bruises, but lovely just the same and smiling back, approving, loving.

I am a bit perplexed.

I am strangely at peace.

12:28 p.m. - 2007-08-16
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